im not questioning cause i dont expect answers

roughness

nothing gained

I sometimes wonder why I resist things that most embrace. Be it my religion, or complete lack there of, or my diet, or desires to go out and be social, or marriage, I can't seem to grasp the things that bring happiness to most people. The typical response at this point is, "Well you're an individual, and thats great," but is it? I sometimes wonder if desires to be an individual come at the expense of happiness. "But you can choose your own path, and find your own way of defining happiness." Very true schizophrenic self, I suppose paradoxically I wanna be an individual with someone else. Oh well.

oh the humanity

I have always felt animosity towards the security guards at school. They seem to do nothing but annoy. Checking identification like McCarthy. There is never any consistency with their schedule either. Sometimes they're there, other times, nowhere to be found. They seem to always single out the students with the most amount of anything in their hands and force them to show their brand or suffer the consequence.

My opinion has been altered somewhat after a brief encounter with an aging member of this elite task force. What began as a simple suggestion to this man, blossomed into a fifteen minute deluge of a life gone wrong. His mouth parched from suppression quenched only by a sympathetic ear.

He began his story by dashed hopes in college. Desires to pursue mathematics were tucked neatly away. His goofy eyes and crooked smile perked up as he recalled late nights of friendship and exploration. Fading as quickly as it came, the realization soon set that these indulgences were mere stumbling blocks along his path. His attempt at composure was as awkward as the baby blue shirt with sewn on patch.

Despite the failed attempts with institutional education, defeat would not consume easy. He spoke with enthusiasm, detailing the many responsibilities he held while managing a computer manufacturing business. Calendar months peeled away revealing layer upon layer of decreased sales. The pinnacle on which he once stood would soon match the fate of his dignity calmly eroding away.

His head slightly drooped as my break was coming to a close and our time together was at an end. "This is not what i want," he murmured. I could offer no sympathy other than lend an ear. Even softer now, "This is not what i want."

I saw him in the student lounge later that morning, he simply stared out the window.